Mums For Your Mum

Last week I came home from work to find some beautiful yellow mums sitting on the kitchen counter in a vase with a card. Your Daddy had left them for me just to tell me how much he loves me. Either that, or my hormones are starting to scare him...

I'm sure the first explanation is most accurate, but he has been bit a couple of times so the second wouldn't surprise me. I literally almost scratched his eyes out a few days ago when he "scolded" me for eating Chick-fil-a for dinner. He was just trying to make sure you were getting the healthiest food possible, but my hormones were already in a pouncing cat stance... WWIII ended when he raised a white flag and said he would no longer comment on our food choices. It's a good thing we settled that when we did because I have a feeling you're going to be craving odd/bad things for a while. So far it's been pepperjack cheese, orange juice, and strawberry-flavored things. Not actual strawberries... Just the fake, flavored stuff like strawberry ice cream - which is REALLY weird since even smelling something like that would turn my stomach prior to your arrival (Just so you know, I would really like a vanilla cupcake with strawberry icing right now).

Daddy is also getting used to sporadic emotional breakdowns. Those are usually induced by something really stupid like a commerical rather than something important like world hunger. If I'm not bursting into tears, I'm telling him that I need some space one second and snuggling up to him the next. Your poor Daddy is probably terrified. I would be.

You're 6 weeks old now and the size of a tiny lentil bean... You're growing arm and leg buds so I like to think of you as a cute, stubby little teddy bear :) I'm pretty sure you're using those new buds to press Mommy's "Nausea Button". I didn't start feeling sick until you grew them, so this is obviously the only conclusion. If you want to see the rainbow you have to deal with the rain - so go ahead and press that button all you want my Little Rainbow. But if you want to press my "Craving Healthy Vegetables Button" I'd be ok with that too. Just sayin'.

This will be one of your most rapid developmental weeks, so I will do my best to not scare off Daddy, and try to trick myself into thinking broccoli is actually strawberry icing. Maybe I should try strawberry icing on broccoli? Hmm...

I love you always!

Love,
Mommy

Sesame Seed Sized Superbaby

You are now 5 weeks old and the size of a sesame seed, but you look more like a tadpole than a human baby at this point. Even still, your body is developing at an amazingly rapid pace... Your heart will even start beating and pumping blood through your tiny little body within the next few days. You are incredible :)

Something else that's incredible is how God is already using your tiny little life in huge ways. He's using you to teach me to trust His will and have peace in the midst of anything. At church on Sunday we learned that there are two ways to live your life: You can either "be God's" or "be gods". In other words, you can allow God to have ownership over your life, belonging to Him and trusting that He will be enough to take care of you... Or you can try to run your own life. Since I have decided to "be God's" it means I have to give up control of everything in my life - even you.

The truth is that you are God's baby anyway. He is the one who is knitting you together in my tummy (Psalm 139:13). He has only chosen me as a vessel to create someone as wonderul as you to carry out His plans. I still dread the idea of losing you, but now when that fear creeps up instead of praying, "Please God, no... Let me keep my baby..." I have learned to pray, "Your will, not mine... But please God, hold my hand if You choose to lead me down a painful path". I will praise Him for your life no matter how long or short He chooses to make it.

This doesn't mean that I'm not doing everything humanly possible to keep you safe! In fact, my faith was tested in a scary way yesterday when the doctor called to tell me that my Progesterone levels were dangerously low. She called in a prescription for me and told me to be "very careful" for the next several days. My heart dropped when I heard that and all I could think about was getting you what you needed as quickly as possible. I drove to the pharmacy with my gas tank on empty and the light mocking me with every mile I miraculously drove on fumes. I was scared, but I just kept praying that God would help me get you what you needed as quickly as possible if that's what He had planned for you.

When I arrived at the pharmacy I was notified that they had no record of your prescription being called in. I called the doctor only to get their answering service. Not going to lie... I almost lost it and almost started bawling right there in front of the pharmacist. But as the tears started to fill my eyes I stopped - took a deep breath - and prayed, "Lord, this is in Your hands. Please comfort me regardless of what You have in store". Just as I finished my prayer another pharmacist chimed in and had the idea that the order may be on the voicemail system. It was, and they filled the prescription right away. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and even though the bottle said to take it at bedtime (because it could make me sleepy) I didn't waste a single second taking one of those pills! I was only 2 minutes from home so I promise I wasn't being irresponsible ;)

I spent the rest of the evening barely moving once I got home. Luckily I have a job and a boss which allow me to work from home if need be, so I will probably spend the next couple of days working from my bed with my feet propped up on pillows. I'm physically being as careful with you as I know how, but I'm thankful that God is already using you to show His power. You are one special superbaby...

In other news, your grandfather has lovingly nicknamed you "Lester" - He said that with a name like "Lester Blackwell" you could become a southern gospel singer. If you're a girl, "Loretta" will have to do. I think we'll wait until we know for sure what you are before giving you a name, but don't worry... We will make sure it's a good one that will open the door for a variety of career opportunities! In the meantime, it's fun to tease your Daddy that "Lester was the one who took a bite out of your bagel..."

I love you always!

Love,
Mommy

Welcome to the World! Or at Least My Tummy!

SURPRISE! That's exactly what you were... and the best surprise of my life :) Daddy and I had been trying for several months but had decided to stop for a while - which, of course, is when God decided to bless us with you. He has a funny sense of humor like that. You'll learn that as you grow up and get to know Him.

I had a funny hunch on Wednesday, September 15, 2010 that I should check to see if you were making a new home in my tummy. Since I wasn't expecting you I took the test assuming it would be negative like it had been the previous 6 months. I even walked away from it and went to warm up my lunch thinking I would just come back and throw the negative test away when the timer was up. But you were ready for your big debut!

I was so shocked when I saw the second line that I couldn't say anything except "Oh my gosh............" over and over again for 5 minutes straight. I was at the office by myself, so when I calmed down enough I called a friend and sent her a picture of the test to make sure I was seeing it correctly. I still couldn't believe it so I took another test which obviously had the same result! I left work early because I couldn't wait to tell your Daddy. On the way home I picked up a bib that said, "Daddy's Sweetie" and wrapped it. I also wrapped the two positive tests just in case the bib wasn't a big enough hint. It's a good thing I did because Daddy just thought I had picked up something cute for the future when he saw the bib... It wasn't until he opened the tests that reality hit him and he had a similar reaction to the one I had at work just a couple of hours before.

I made an appointment with the doctor for the following day just to make sure you were doing okay. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep and woke up at 4 AM the following morning. The wee hours of the morning have always been a special time between God and me, but Thursday morning was especially sweet. I laid in bed still in shock that you were really there and just thanked Him over and over for entrusting me with such a special gift. I prayed for your safety and health, and for God to give your Daddy and me the wisdom to raise you in a way that's pleasing to Him. I still pray for you every second of every day.

I had been experiencing some cramping (another reason I was completely shocked at your arrival) and brought it up to the doctor. She assured me that it was completely normal and that it actually meant my body was working the way it should to make your new home more comfortable. I still freak out with every twinge and cramp I have because the thought of anything happening to you is devastating. I'm trying very hard to rely on the knowledge that God is in control and He has you in His hands no matter what, but my protective instincts are incredibly strong. You're only four and a half weeks old and the size of a poppy seed, so I can't help but try to do everything as delicately as possible to keep you safe.

Daddy is also doing everything he can to take care of both of us. He researched good foods that will make you strong and smart, and went grocery shopping while we took a nap. He also cleaned/moved the kitty litter so we don't catch any bugs that will make us sick. He checks up on us throughout the day and makes sure we're getting enough rest. He's a good Daddy - you're going to like him :)

You're doing weird things to my body, but you can do whatever you want with it! I know I've only known you for 4 days but I already love you more than words can express. I'm praying for you constantly and I promise I will do everything in my power to make your new home as nurturing as possible for the next 9 months!

I love you always!

Love,
Mommy